Is this my solo hour?

How to write, what to write for it has been so long. I used to send things to people that didn't ask for it because I felt I had a message to share. I felt God was speaking to my heart and I wanted to share those revelations, those epiphanies with others. Not days or weeks or months but for years I did this and only a small amount of times did I ever hear back from any of them. Those that I might meet in public would bring up my writing and say kind things and be very sincere and I thanked them for their kindness. But I couldn't help walking away with a hollow feeling that they were being ..nice. I questioned their motives but I later realized I should accept gifts when they are given and not look too deeply at the intentions. Receiving is just as important as is the giving. I do not hold it against them and I thank God they had kind words and not bitter words for my ego is fragile and my writing is a bearing of my soul in many ways. I know we are not all on the same wave length but I wanted to connect with someone, finding connection is difficult.

Looking for connection is putting your heart out in your hand and walking forward and hoping that no one slaps it out of your grip. That they would give you wide birth and allow you to move forward and speak and preach and say what you want and listen...oh to just listen and consider what I have to say. I do not speak much but when I have something to say I want people to listen. Listening to me means turning off their present line of thought and to focus on my words, to intake them and contemplate on them for at least the rest of the day before discarding them.  Writing or speaking while no one is even looking at you speaks to me as, "we don't care about you or your words. What you say and who you are is insignificant to us and we could care less." It is the concept in my mind that I am taking up space, that I'm an oxygen thief and I have just interrupted their day. How does one get over that feeling? How does a writer get past the notion that since they aren't listening that I should just shut up and hope and wait and see if they come around? 

Will they? How long will I wait? Not long because the hurt of being ignored is very taxing on the spirit and I will not allow myself to be rung out like that any more. So time goes by and the message grows moldy, the level of urgency of the message has long faded and now holds no context.  What do I do then, write and let nature take its course or wait until they begin to realize they have overlooked me and now they need to give me their attention. I do not believe the latter will ever take place, it is not natural and would only happen through super natural intervention to which I do not believe I should wait for God to thump them on the head and hope they pay attention, why should they? Jesus himself spoke to the people and many turned away, many ignored Him and some dismissed Him as a nut case. I follow Him and if it happened to my Master then it will surely happen to me. No, I have learned through doing that a writer, a preacher, a singer is only an instrument and the melody that flows through that instrument makes a particular sound and some may hear that sound and squinch their eyes and plug their ears because the melody is unpleasing to them. Others will give a listen in kindness but later forget all about it and a very few will think it is the most beautiful music they have ever heard. That it is a melody that resonates within them, it makes them dream daydreams and lifts their hearts. That is the task of the writer, singer or preacher to make THEIR kind of music, tell their brand of message and allow the melody to fall where it may. To examine the message is to question the source and if you question that source to be of Heavenly origin then you can check it by the fruits of the Spirit as given by God Himself. 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5: 22-23

This is the measuring scale by which we can know that our message is grounded in God and given to us by faith, in faith that we will deliver it to the appointed receivers. We are but transmitters for a voice with the sound of many waters, a rushing wind, a clap of thunder. God's voice is a whisper in the breeze or is a tap of rain dripping off a metal roof and landing on a rusty bucket turned upside down. It is never the voice that captivates us, it may at first because that is God's plan to hook us and pull us in but when we open our hearts and ears to hear then we hear the melody and we allow the music to resonate within our soul then we will know if the melody, the message was meant for us.  I must go out and find those who can hear my music, read my words and play music for them. I must share the notes and tunes the great Conductor has placed inside of me. I must set myself free in order to follow Him.